Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
