did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
