I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
