Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
love makes seman taste better
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
