There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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