fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
