it hurts more in the daytime
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
