He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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