Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
