Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
