When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
