So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
