I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
