The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
