when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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