Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
