Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
