My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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