his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
