I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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