One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize