Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
