You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
