and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
