I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
