Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
