Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
