I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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