Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
