youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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