Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize