Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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