Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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