OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize