I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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