You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
