If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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