WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
