In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
