But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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