One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
