Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
