I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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