Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
