so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
