guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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