My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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