in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
