I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
