His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
