I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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