So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
