oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize