I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
