that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
