I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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