ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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