you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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