that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
