I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
