I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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