You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
