I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
