I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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