I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
