I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
NoShamevember. You game?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
