I faked an abortion last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
