dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
