Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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