i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
