There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
