if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
