the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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