but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize