We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
