True but thats because hes a fetus.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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