if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
