dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
